Advent Prayer

Lord, meet me, join me. Make my aim, Lord, this Advent to bring joy to You through the giving of myself-my time, my plans, my agenda-for You to use. My gift to myself to You must take priority over my gifts to my family and friends. After all, it is Your birthday we are celebrating-not mine, not my children's, not my husbands. Part of my gift to you is loving the people you have put in front of me, those who are easy to love and those who are not. I want to give You my response to lonely people around the world-the orphan, the widow, the ones who are all alone, the ones who others have passed by. But, I do not know how to respond. Forgive me when I do not take the opportunities you have put in front of me. May an awareness of your presence fill me every moment of my day so that rather than You being squeezed out of my busyness, I will be aware of You walking with me as my shepherd. You are the only one this advent season who can help me find those ordinary yet amazing experiences of joy that You provide with such grace and mercy and love amongst all the responsibilities, pressures, and heartaches of this world. (Author Unknown) I wrote this prayer in my journal last Christmas. I failed to write down the author's name, but they expressed so clearly my emotions and my words. On Christmas Day, last year, we formally applied to adopt from Ethiopia. The homestudy/dossier process took the first six months, and then the waiting began. As I "wait" for her face to be revealed, I can only meditate on His promise to me. "Meanwhile, the moment we get tired in the waiting, God's spirit is right alongside helping us along. If we don't know how or what to pray, it doesn't matter. He does our praying in and for us, making prayer out of our wordless sighs, our aching groans. He knows us far better than we know ourselves, knows our pregnant condition, and keeps us present before God. That's why we can be so sure that every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good." Romans 8:26-28. The Message.

Waiting Well

I knew this would happen. I predicted it in my first post, and have been upset with myself for the last 4 months since my last post. Not that I did not have plenty to write about, I just could not get it on paper. Could it be writers block? Or could it be laziness? I have had many topics in my head, just didn't take the time or energy to jot them down. (I think about my son, during his 6th grade state writing exams. He got himself so worked up that he actually cried. Yep, a 6th grade boy brought to tears over the anxiety of writing. Luckily his guidance counselor talked him through it, and he actually scored one of the highest in the state.) Perhaps that is me, afraid of how it sounds instead of just getting it out. Whatever the case, I am here now. WAITING. And I really want to WAIT WELL. What does that look like? For me, that could look like many hours a day shopping, or reading, or exercising (ha!) or just wasting time. All my kids are in school, for the first time in 15 years, I have the day to myself. That is not how I want to spend my day. I want to serve. I want to worship. I want to bless others with the gift of time. I want to be intentional. I want to be still and listen. Really still. I do know this about myself. I do not like to be at home, especially when it is quiet. When I find myself here, and it is quiet, I turn on music. I pray. I talk to my cats:) I don't like to be alone. Not sure why that is, but I really need to get over it. I need to be ok with where I am today. Not longing for the future, or the next stage of my life, waiting for the next little one to fill my time and my thoughts. I want to be patient during the wait. Patient with my husband, my kids. God has brought me to my knees with one of my kids more during this wait than ever in my life. All of the sudden our lives have been turned upside down on many days. As I am teaching my child to surrender to me, God is teaching me to surrender to Him. He doesn't always give us what we want in these situations, He gives us what He wants us to have. When I want peace, He wants me to have faith. When I want obedience, He is teaching me to connect. Not what I want, but what I need. All during the wait. I also want to be grateful. So thankful for those who have chosen to bless us with their prayers, their money and their support during this wait. Simple words do not seem sufficient, yet it has to be. To allow others on this journey to our little girl. How awesome that is, she already belongs to many. Bella told me today--Mom, every kid in our family is adopted. I replied to her that Nico is not. And we were then reminded that EVEN Nico is adopted into God's family. Even Nico. That says a lot:) Waiting well, how does that look for your family?