Her Face

As we enter the final stretch of our "wait", I am looking back at how far we have come. Many wonder how this adoption ever started, we have 4 beautiful yet crazy kiddos (3 who came to us via adoption), why in the world would we "rock the boat" even more? About 18 years ago, God placed a vision in my heart of a "face". This face was beautiful light brown, with huge brown eyes and big curly hair --a GIRL. During this time, our first son was born and his two brothers were adopted. I had many dreams about this face, even while keeping up with the little boys who so blessed our family. As foster parents, she came to us many times and was a gentle reminder of the hope the Lord had given to us. Then one day we got a phone call for a newborn girl, and knew right away, that she was ours. Her beautiful face was not what I saw in my dreams, but He guided her adoption into our family with His gentle hands and master skill. We knew she was meant to be in our family, we knew that the Lord had a plan, a plan much bigger than all of our dreams. We also knew that we needed to be patient and wait. We prayed for this little girl as a family, a sister to our clan, where was she Lord? We were then chosen by a birthmother, and she was in Ohio. I remember thinking at the time, Ohio, really? But as we opened our hearts to this mom and her baby girl, we grew closer to the Lord and to His plan. His plan was not for this baby to be in our family, but that journey opened our hearts to a path we never thought that we could take, the path of international adoption. God then opened our hearts to the children of Ethiopia. Once again, as we worked through our paperwork, and began fundraising and waiting, our plans EXPLODED. This time to 3 waiting children, siblings, and it was then that I saw her face. It was then that I also saw the face of her brother and sister. Our hearts were changed, our plans were diverted, and then it became about HIM. No longer was this vision that he placed in my heart 18 years ago about me. Wow. So this is what the journey has been about all along, something bigger than me. We knew that we could not do this alone. We knew that financially, emotionally, spiritually we could not, and therefore needed to be on our knees--just where He intended all along. Praising Him for bringing us to the finish line. Praising Him that His ways are better than our ways. What if 18 years ago He gave me what I asked for, WHEN I wanted it? As I look back over the race He placed us on, I am so grateful for the children we have been blessed with and for the ones who will be joining our family very soon. I am so thankful for those who have chosen to walk beside of us emotionally, spiritually and financially. I am especially thankful for the ONE who loves me and heard my cry and gave me a NEW SONG to sing. It was never about her face, it was about His. "I waited patiently for the Lord, He turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire, He set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand. He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see and fear and put their trust in the Lord" Psalm 40:1-3.

Meeting our kids!

This last week, as we "re-entered" our world here in PA, my heart is so heavy for the three children we left in Ethiopia. We arrived in Addis on Saturday, but were not allowed to visit the orphanage until Monday morning. As we pulled up to the orphanage gates, the anticipation of the children who lived behind those walls was overwhelming! The gates were opened and children were everywhere. Would we recognize ours? Finally, we saw E, our 10 yr old daughter, sitting on the steps with her friends. She came over quickly, and gave us each kisses, gently on the cheeks. She was so sweet, she also went to the other parents in the group and kissed them! We were not sure at that time if she knew we "belonged" to her--the social worker then took her aside and we brought out our photo books. We were then told that S (our 13 yr old son)and B (our 6 yr old daughter) were sick from a parasite in the water, and had been taken to the clinic. So while we were sharing our photos with E, they brought S back from the clinic. Poor little guy, he had a HUGE smile on his face, but his eyes were glazy and he was so quiet! As we stood with him a few minutes, he began to get dizzy and almost fell to the ground, so scary:( The staff took him back to the clinic, and we were once again left to get to know E and the other kids in the orphanage. It started to rain, so we were ushered inside the small lobby. The kids all gathered around us, but E was quite possessive! She created a little area for just us to share the photos, and to talk with the social worker. She showed us around her home for the last 1.5 years, introducing us to all of the staff(I must say that they LOVE our E! They all said that she is "theirs" and I can see why), showing us each bedroom and the kitchen. After an hour or so in walked B, with that same glazed look on her face! She also was smiling ear to ear, and just sat on my lap while we showed her the photos of our family. The poor thing was then taken upstairs to her room for a nap. S also then returned, and I made him sit on my lap too! He was still so sick, but was so small and weak, it didn't matter that he was a 13 yr old boy! His friends were also gathered around, but he could not stay long, for he also needed sleep. Lets just say that E, who is described as VERY quiet and shy, had us all to herself most of the day! She wore my jewelry, drew a picture with me, showed all of her friends her photo book and had many pictures taken. It was hard to leave my 2 sick kids that day, but as I watched them sleep in their little bunk beds, I knew that they were well taken care of. The rest of the week is a blur! We visited the kids again 2 more times--each time they were feeling better and played more. The last day S played soccer with Nico, he was so excited, it was clear that they could speak the same language! He talks a lot with his eyes and when he says "yes" he has this precious "gasp", like he is excited all the time! E and B loved blowing up balloons while Marco made animals for them. We met their English teacher, and he told us what wonderful students they are. They read to us from their English books and were so proud of their work. (Remember my biggest fear of the language barrier???--God's got it covered:) We created wonderful first week memories, and told them as we left that we were going before the judge to ask if we could be their parents. They seemed to understand, but of course the hard part was leaving. Until we meet again--we have their gentle kisses and hugs, their whispers of "I Love you" in our ears, and their last waves as we drove away. Final thoughts--as we walked into the orphanage that first day, one of the staff members approached me immediately. She told me that she needed to ask me something. She asked if we were Christians---I responded yes, that we are. She replied that they have been praying for a family for these kids for so long, and she is so grateful for us "taking them". Taking them--are you kidding me? We also have been praying for so long, and just needed God to direct us to them! How can you describe that feeling--they are ours! They just fit, like they have been missing from our family for all this time! Isn't that crazy?? They are nothing like us! They are very small, very quiet, very obedient. We are big, loud, and a bit crazy! Their social worker says that they just need a family to bring them out of their shells. That is US!! Thank you God for finally, after so many years of praying for our hearts and door to be opened to YOUR plan, allowing us to be the family for these three precious children, halfway around the world. Amen.

Opening the door a little WIDER!

OK--I have some explaining to do. I know it has been months since I last posted, and really, I knew this would happen! Life gets in the way, and I don't take the time to journal my thoughts. I can say, though, that there have been MANY thoughts circling in my head. Here we go--I began wondering why were were waiting so long for our little girl from Africa right after the holiday season. I even sent a note to our agency worker asking the same thing. Actually, there were no real answers given. But, while working through this in my head, the thought came to me that perhaps we are waiting because our little girl has a sibling, and we need to open our door a little wider. Need I say that we already have 4 kids, so adding 2 more seemed to be quite a jump? How would that work? Where would we put them in the cars and in our home? I mentioned this to one of our boys, and his reply was -of course we would take them both, for he has his biological brother and he could not imagine living without him. So, that is all I needed to hear. I spoke with our agency about perhaps opening our door to include a sibling group, what all that entailed, and how long it would take. As we began the process of adding this information to our homestudy and to immigration, I saw on our agency waiting children site a sibling group-of THREE! Well, let me clarify that, the picture I saw of them was so small that I could not really see them, but I read their profile. For those of you not in the adoption world-this is a "sales pitch" for the child-it includes their likes, a bit of their personality, and maybe some medical information. Really, a couple lines for each child. But as I read their descriptions, I looked outside on our lawn where about 10 kids were playing ball. My immediate thought was-they would fit right in! S- boy,age 13--loves to play soccer!! E-age 10, loves to run and jump rope! B-age 6 loves to play with friends! Check, check, check. Thank you God!!! The next step was to present these kids to my family. Marco walks in from work, and I jump right in with my "sales pitch". (Remember--we have been waiting for ONE little girl under the age of 4!) He responded--"That is ridiculous". Ok--he didn't way NO, so I took that as a--lets move forward! That night I opened the conversation up to the kids. Each had their own unique response-Bella said that the girls could have her bed because they might be sad, Mika and Luka said they would just get bunk beds in their room to share with S, and Nico was concerned for the siblings he would have the rest of his life--how would they ever fit into our life here in Bucks County? I asked each member of our family to pray for these kids, to pray that they find a forever home, and if that home is ours, that we would move forward in faith. And so we have, and in the process, we have fallen in love. Sort of like dating, one date at a time to see where things lead. Oh believe me, I have a list a mile long of fears! Real fears as to why we should not do this. On the top of the list, how will we ever be able to communicate with them, on a deep level, to help them heal from their past? How would we ever be able to fill the shoes of the parents they have lost? And on a more practical note--how will we fit them all in our van? And even more importantly--How will I feed them all?? I have to say, this last month has been hard. The newness of the decision has worn off, and reality is setting in. Just thinking about the medical visits, the school evaluations, the dental work, the activities for now 7 kids is overwhelming me! There are days when I don't do 4 very well, how can we possibly manage 7? That is where trust comes in. God has asked us to trust HIM. To ask HIM for help. To know that only through HIM this is possible. We still have a long journey ahead of us, but we are taking baby steps. We are raising more funds. We are preparing now for 3 instead of one. Our DOOR has been BLOWN WIDE OPEN!!! We cannot wait to see them walk in:) Ephesians 3:20(The Message) God can do anything, you know---far more than you could ever imagine or guess or request in your wildest dreams! He does it not by pushing us around but by working within us, his Spirit deeply and gently within us.

Life in Balance

I had a bit of a difficult Christmas, living life in balance. Living where we live, buying what we buy, doing what we do. It was my goal to "downsize". To bring back some simplicity. It worked, sort of. I read lots of blogs on Santa or no Santa, on 3 gifts or 4. I like to think that we live life in balance--we don't give a lot, but we give. We do Santa, but do not overdo Santa. We give to the community, and try to give ourselves to one another during this time. We celebrate the birth of Christ-this year we went to Christmas Eve services and Christmas Day Services. We decided to sponsor a little girl in Ethiopia. Many of our gifts were bought "with purpose". We even gave grandma the gift of an Ethiopian Bible that will go to a child there. It felt good, but not good enough. As I wondered through the American Girl store with my sister and daughter it just felt overwhelming. Lots of little girls, dressed to the tee, with their dolls and a bag of items to purchase for their dolls. Many were whining and complaining, mine included. Yet on the other side of the world is our other little girl. Is she laying in an orphanage? Does she have a toy or a caregiver to meet her needs? Is she sick? I am trying to start this new year living in two different worlds. Trying to give more of myself to God and letting Him guide me through it. My kids need me too, so does my husband. Perhaps what I am most scared of is what happens after I actually EXPERIENCE Africa. Balancing life, living in the moment.