"Always something new to make you happy"

Always something new to make you happy--this is the new Marshall's slogan. I love Marshalls (I actually worked there during college:). I love to shop. I grew up in WV and shopping was an ALL DAY AFFAIR. The nearest mall was an hour away-- so my mom, my sister and usually my grandma, aunt and girl cousins all went shopping together. This always included at least two meals, sometimes three WITH dessert. This also included many hours of bonding, laughing, and bargain hunting with my family. Now, I'm not blaming my childhood memories of endless hours of shopping on why shopping makes me feel good, but it does really make me feel good. I could go all day and spend $20. I can just go into a store to browse for hours, it has become a stress reliever for me. But here is the problem. I no longer live an hour away from the good stores, actually Marshalls is just a few minutes away. As a mom with young kids, I would often tell my husband that I was going to pick up some milk (by myself) and end up at Marshalls and Kohls and Target. This is a problem. It became my drug of choice. Just finding a little something here or there--you know I NEVER bought large ticket items without consulting my husband first. BUT--I was (and still am) very good at buying the little things. "But they were so cheap, but it was buy one get one half off, but she doesn't have a pair of purple sparkly flip flops and they were only $3, but the boys really wanted durags to get into their culture a bit--knowing full well that they would never actually wear them"!! Yes, this is the mind game that I play with myself, and this is usually the game that I play with my husband.
We have a house FULL of stuff. What really makes me happy? What really makes my family happy? All the stuff?? Nope. Well, maybe for a while. Those really cute spring flats with flowers on them might make me happy for a few months that spring. But by next spring, I want a new pair, poka-dots this time. Not because they are all worn out, but because I want something new. Always something different to make me happy--I'm the perfect Marshalls slogan.
My Bible study is working in this very subject right now. YES--I love it when the Lord works that way! Just when I needed it:) Shopping has become an idol for me. There, I said it. (And it is only my third blog post!)Now, what can I do?
During this adoption process, more than any other time in the past, we HAVE to cut back. We HAVE to find creative ways to not only afford the adoption, but afford another child in our home. My husband works hard, and we should have plenty left over. But we don't. This is my deepest, darkest struggle. I manage every month to spend it. And as he says, I can make it go far, but I still spend it. BUT-what I have found during these last few months is that my desire to spend it is LESS! I have prayed that the Lord would just make me NOT want to spend. So--when I see those cute little spring dresses, I now stop and really think. Does Bella NEED another cute little dress? Maybe the answer is yes--actually last week in Costco I found a little flowery dress from Carters for only $7.50. (What a bargain--I know this because they are at least $10 in other stores.) So, I bought that dress. Then lost it. Yep--went to put it on her for church the next day--could not find it ANYWHERE! So, I guess that was a little lesson, reminding me that she never really needed the dress. And hopefully someone found it in the parking lot and needed it even more! But--at least before I buy I really think about it, and sometimes even say a little prayer right there! And guess what --it works. Do I still find myself in a store when I have a few minutes or hours ALONE?? Yep. But often I come out empty handed, and actually the shopping really doesn't bring me to that "high" so much anymore. I still love those times when I can spend time shopping with friends or family, or take my boys on a shopping date with mom--but more as a bonding experience than anything else. I am now realizing THAT is what REALLY makes me happy, the kind of happy that doesn't wear off after one season. The kind of happy that is pleasing to God, to my husband and to my family.